and again

in case you're more of a visual person, here are some of our inspiration boards for our wedding.
[which is now in 49 days!]

all found here

this memorial day weekend, we have plans to just hang out and enjoy the sunshine.

ben's dad is making a video of us to play after dinner at the wedding, just kind of talking about our story and being in love and all that jazz and we're shooting most of it this weekend.

so i'm pretty pumped about that.

wedding planning is in full swing, and maybe i'll even start on some of my DIY projects for it this weekend too :)

hope you have a wonderful long weekend in this beautiful weather!

t-50 days

there are 50 days until our wedding day!
49 sleeps and then i will wake up, hopefully eat a kick ass breakfast for my last meal as a single lady,  put my pretty dress on, and i will become Mrs. Jaclyn Quigley.


ho.ly.cow.


so, in preparation for July 13, we've been slowly, but surely making sure things are in place.

this is the place where all the magic is going to happen. 

this big field on the right of the lodge will have rows of white chairs, mason jars full of flowers hanging from shepard's hooks, a little arch thing to get married in front of that ben will build and i'll decorate, and a big door frame with cute old doors we've found so that my grand entrance can be a surprise.

the lodge will have more flowers and a few handmade decorations, but its main purpose is to house the food so that it doesn't swelter in the hot july sun. on the porch will be the bar [ooh baby], and probably the card box/gift table.

then on the left, there will be a big ass tent, filled with a dance floor and rectangle tables arranged family style, so that everyone feels at home. said tables will be simple, with more mason jar flowers, brown craft paper covering them and crayons to draw on it with, and table runners that mom and i will make.

the pretty lawn will hold all the yard games we can think of, like Kan Jam, ladderball, and corn hole, so that the party can start while we're off getting our pictures taken.

from here

i'm hesitant to post any pictures of the "look" i want for the big day, because ben catches up on my blog every once in a while. but i want to look like me. and he knows me almost better than i do. so honestly, there will probably be no surprises.

my first wedding dress fitting is tonight! the dress was bought just four days after we got engaged, because there was a big sale going on, and i LOVED it when i bought it. but i had a little meltdown a few weeks ago that it wasn't what i really wanted. but luckily, jessa [my little sister/MOH/best friend] came through and saved the day and i think we figured out a way to make it into exactly my dream dress. i hope.

and last night i went and bought supplies to make a flower crown! so later on today, with the help of these tutorials, i'll hopefully be able to make one that's more relaxed-hippie-picking-flowers-and-putting-them-in-her-hair, than crazy-hippie-just-off-LSD-picking-flower-bushes-and-pinning-them-to-her-head. pray for me.

also, there will be no shoes on my part. just so we're clear.

from here

the one part of the day that i'm a little worried about is the music. we want music to be playing non-stop from the beginning of the ceremony until the end of the night, and we're doing it all ourselves. luckily, i have two awesome cousins that agreed to man the music table, so that part of it is taken care of.

i'm excited about making the ceremony and cocktail hour playlists, but the dance party playlist is giving me agida. some people love country music, some people hate it. our college friends are all hipsters, so we're all about Freelance Whales and Of Monsters and Men , but my brother will roll his eyes and my dad may even turn it off. i want people to dance! but ben is banning any of the typical wedding dance songs, such as the Macarena and the Electric Slide. so i feel like we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. if any of you have any suggestions on what to do about this, or even specific songs that you think every dance party needs, i'm all ears.

i think it's going to be a good, good day. even if all of the decorations fall apart and i end up just wearing a sundress and no make-up, i know that at the end of the day, i'll be married to a kid that i'm crazy about.

that's the part i'm the most excited about.

unemployment

i had this moment of realization the other day that this isn't my summer break.
i'm now graduated from college, so these free days and nights aren't just another summer, where it's expected that i spend my days running around in the sun and my nights eating s'mores and star-gazing, like an irresponsible teenager.
no no, my friends, this glorious time off is what they call "unemployment".


but lest you think all i do is spend my time sitting around, eating bon bons and watching the Price is Right [i mean, that's maybe 1 day out of 7], here are some unofficial job titles i've held in these past two and a half weeks:

professional fake eyelash applicator

professional fishing cheerleader

[not as exciting as it sounds]

professional date night blazer wearer. also, queso eater.

professional self-wedding planner.

[more on that tomorrow]

professional volleyball watcher. also, body part waker upper.

[my butt is one of the first things that falls asleep, i've noticed]

andddd professional crafter.

not to mention, i've become pretty darn good at unloading the dishwasher, painting my nails outside, bar trivia, applying for [real] jobs, and getting tired before 11 pm, like a grown up.

maybe these are all things i can put on my resume?

any employer that counts being joyfully lazy as a skill is a friend of mine.

alive

i've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of being alive.
not physically living, breathing, pulsing, but the kind where your soul is alive.

from here

if you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that this idea is nothing new for me, so in writing this post, i fear that i'm kind of just repeating myself and you all will just discount it, but i need to get it out.
my fingers are trembling at the keyboard because i have so much to say, but i don't know where to start.
i feel like maybe this post will wake somebody up.
i hope it'll wake somebody up.
or maybe it's just to remind myself to stay awake.
either way, here it is:


this time, it started with The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. i'm not usually one to recommend books because i feel like everyone is looking for a different thing in their literature, whatever. and i don't want to do a whole synopsis here because most of you probably don't care. but the lines in this book, the words she chose, the stories she told, they all just screamed out to me one thing: "be alive". be present, wake up, open your eyes.


and on date night this week, Ben and i went to see "Jeff Who Lives at Home". we went in expecting a funny little movie [it is Ed Helms and Jason Segel, after all], but i left with tears streaming down my face. Jason's character, Jeff, is this 30 year old guy who still lives in his mother's basement because he's just a little lost, but he's the kind of person who finds meaning in everything and is trying to figure out his destiny. His day starts with something he thinks is a sign, and he leaves the house to run an errand for his mom, but ends up following all of these signs, runs into his brother, and has this whole adventure with him in a day. but this brother, Pat [Ed Helm's character], is the total opposite of Jeff and doesn't see meaning in anything, he doesn't find beauty in his world. he's going through his life with his eyes closed. and their mom is the same way. but throughout the movie, with Jeff's help and also the help of the mom's co-worker, both Pat and the mom wake up. they realize that this is their life and they have to live it because what's the point if they don't?


what's the point of living if you're not really experiencing it?


so i cried because i have this wonderful man in my life who makes me feel alive. loving him makes me come alive. and i'm so blessed with that. and i'm so thankful for that. because i have all of these people who love me and these hobbies i enjoy and this life that i love living. i cried because i'm so thankful that i realize this. i'm thankful that i'm alive enough to really enjoy living.


but i also cried because there are people who aren't alive. megan writes about passion eyes, the tears you get when something moves you to the point that you feel a little full. i got passion eyes then and i'm getting them now because there are people going through life without really living it. people that i love are living like this. i'm sitting here, trying so hard to really really live and there's someone i love with all of my heart that seems stuck, with their eyes closed. 


and what am i supposed to do about it?
i'm not trying to say that i think i'm better than everyone because i live like this.
i understand that there are things that happen in people's lives that force them to shut down. they have to shut off their emotions and close their eyes in order to get through the shit that life brings them to.
i've been there before and i know that i'll probably be there again someday.
but it hurts my soul to see people i love living like that.
i want to shake them and wake them up.
i want to tell them:

            "you only have this life. wake the hell up and live it. feel the emotions! even if they're awful ones that make you want to curl up in a ball and just cry. don't wipe off the tears as they stream down your face; just feel them fall and let yourself hurt for a little bit. and then, once you're good and cried out, open up those red, puffy eyes and look around. look at all there is that's beautiful in this world. sure, there's some real junk, but don't focus on that. don't focus on the shit. focus on the wonderful things. the birds chirping, and the breeze across your skin, and your dog getting so happy every time she sees you, and your family who loves you and will always always be here for you when you need us. you have this life and it's up to you to find the things that make you happy. they're not just going to stumble across the road and land in your lap- oh, here's happiness. no. you have to look for it. you have to open yourself up to finding it. even if that means going through hell first. in every movie, story, folk tale, and book, there's a conflict before the happy ending. fight for your happiness. fight for your life. no one else can do it for you. and then when you find it, embrace it. when you find that happiness, hold onto that and don't let it go for anything. things are still hard, but that's life. and that's what we're here for. hold on to the people who support you and love you and will always build you up. we're the ones that matter. just please, i beg of you, live your life. live every single last part of it."

i'm trying to live every day, and thankfully, i think i'm pretty darn good at it.

but lately, my biggest struggle has been my phone.

i've been needing to make a real effort to put my damn phone away.

iPhones are awesome- there's twitter, instagram, blogs, facebook, pinterest, all those fancy things that are right there at my fingertips.

but my life is at my fingertips too.

there's so much more that the world has to offer than that tiny screen does. 

i tried kidding myself that i can, but i really can't put everything i have into a relationship with anyone when half the time, i'm checking twitter. 

and my loved ones deserve more than that.

the man i'm going to marry deserves all of me.

my little sister, my mom, my brother, all of them, they deserve all of me while i'm still here to give it to them. and i want to experience all of them while they're still around to give it to me.

i know that this post is a little bit of word vomit.

i know it's a little redundant, and to some of you, a little trite.

but i just feel so full.

i want you all to feel this alive.

why would you ever shut yourself down and let yourself get stuck in a life you don't love when there's so much more that the world has to offer?

i beg of you, wake up.

fall in love with your life again.

"for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, 'Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.' " -Ephesians 5:14, NLT

life post-grad

so i graduated!

top right, clockwise: graduation kisses, ben, me & bart, roomates, the crew minus chris :(

top right clockwise: mom & us kids, grandma,grandpa & i, dad & wanda & i, siblings & the extras 

it was such a good day.

i felt so loved by all of the people who sat through the boring ceremony just to support me and then came to Olive Garden to enjoy those celebratory breadsticks.

there was sunshine, there were friends & family, there was pasta.

plus i'm all done with school!

what more could i ask for?

then after a weekend of celebrating and relaxing, i had to jump right into my giant to-do lists.

exhibit A

[but this isn't even all of it]

there's wedding stuff to do, cleaning stuff to do, random little projects.
just a bunch of junk.
thankfully, jessa's helped me out with some of it, like registering for a few extra things at Target and trying out the massage chairs in the mall.

the rest of it is all up to me and i'm completely lacking motivation.

for the boring stuff, at least.

but let's be real, anything besides crafting and shopping and wedding stuff is super boring.

am i right?

friday, we went to the Lilac Festival with some of our friends, where there was a blues band playing and a shirtless old man dancing. we followed that lovely show up with delicious mexican and the first bonfire of the summer.

then this saturday, it was jessa's prom!

i helped her get ready and i think she turned out beautifully.

not that that's anything new.

saturday night, i went camping with the boys and then sunday, ben and i ran errands and relaxed. all in all, a successful weekend.

tonight we're celebrating mother's day because mom was out of town with jess all day yesterday. there will be homemade pizza, gifts, and good old quality time.

but before all that happens, i have to do more job application junk, go for a run, and maybe clean up a little.

this is that boring stuff i was talking about.

i'm sorry about leaving you all last week, so hopefully i'll make up for it this week.

check out some of my new ad swappers on the sidebar while you're waiting for a new post, if you'd like!

see you guys tomorrow!

the now

"and then there's the hanging realization that life is full, already terribly full. and pregnant with possibility. and it feels like it's all getting a bit closer. the space between the now and all that i've ever dreamed of".


-the ever beautiful, brilliant meg

by joe curtin, found here

it's graduation day, kids.
i'll see you on the other side.

i believe

from here

i believe in being outside when it's warm out. letting the wind play with your hair and the sun kiss your skin. i believe in letting the fresh air inspire you.


i believe in celebrating. every last paper and every first kiss is a Big Deal and should be treated as such. balloons and clapping and champagne and all. 


i believe in staying home sometimes. there's something about a relaxed morning and your living room, a cup of hot cocoa in hand; in being productive in comfy clothes.


i believe in counting down. having something to look forward to gives you life. just as long as you're making sure to enjoy the now too.


i believe in putting the phone and the computer and the internet down. it's hard to disconnect, but how can you fully connect with your loved ones if part of you is in another world?


i believe in giving yourself time. it's okay to not know what you want right now. or to know, but to need time to get there. you'll get there eventually.


i believe in dancing in the kitchen. in stealing kisses between papers. in carving out time to make dinner together and then enjoy it together too. how do you know how much longer you'll have together? make the love important now.


i believe in always making the love the most important.




inspired by meg

the last

this was the last weekend of college.
hallelujah.
but yes, a little sad. 


we certainly made the most of it, though.
evidence:


friday-

then more fun with more friends.

 always more fun with friends.

saturday-

then a few of our awesome friends were in an opera, so we crashed that.

& went out for beer-battered french fries and chicken fingers after.

or at least that's what i had.

yummm.

sunday-

& a little bit of homework, movie watching, and getting ready for the last week of college ever.

in 5 days, i'll be done with this whole college thing.

the good and the bad.

i have no words.

p.s- if you wanna follow along on instagram, it's "wildchild_jack" :)

a peek at our engagement session

a few weeks ago, we had our engagement photo session with the lovely Brette Ashley.
it was a beautiful sunny day in the park & we had so much fun snappin some pics.
and thankfully, my picture-hating fiance cooperated for once.
no tongues sticking out in these pictures.


we love how they turned out!
so here's a look at our session, with way more pictures than necessary, just because i couldn't narrow it down anymore.

the end!

also, please be courteous and remember that these are professional pictures, copyrighted and everything, so please don't take them without permission.

both BA and i would appreciate it :)