this guy

my ben, pre motorcycle ride, right in the middle of melting my heart.

he loves me.

i see it in the way he puts up with all of the pictures i want to take.

in the way he brings me my favorite ice cream as a surprise after a long day.

the way he'll come visit me at school for the one free hour i have on wednesdays in between all of my jobs.

the way he brushes chocolate off my face, and smoothes lotion over my new tattoo.

it's so easy with him lately.

it's always been natural, but being engaged, getting ready to get married, has somehow magically transformed us.

we're more loving, more selfless. closer. real.

he always makes me laugh, that boy. we have so much fun together. we're learning how to live together too, even though we don't yet. it's shared days off, working on homework and going for runs. the less tired one makes dinner, but ben always washes the dishes. dirty dishes are my biggest no-no and he understands. actually, he doesn't understand, but he accepts it with just a little bit of complaining. he washes, i dry. or i just sit there and "encourage" him. it's long evenings just laying together, going back and forth between making fun of each other and sharing our hearts. it's scratching his back as we doze off for an afternoon nap, it's throwing on his flannel shirt when the apartment is freezing cold, it's leaving the house hand in hand for date night.

it's the encouragement that he's giving me in this job hunt. the practiced interview questions and reviewed resumes. it's the gentle prodding to finish up this semester strong, even though everything in me just wants to coast through doing nothing. his tough love is pushing me to not let one senioritis-filled semester tank my gpa.

he helps with wedding plans too. which, after hearing tons of girls complain about how their guys did nothing, makes me so grateful i got a good one. not that theirs are bad by any means, but i'd be so frustrated if he refused to help at all. we make wedding decisions together and he does research and helps address the invitations and i love it. we're having so much fun planning this thing together. it makes me excited for the rest of life: decorating our apartment together and buying a house and maybe starting my business.

we have our junk, of course. our personality differences and similarities that just clash. we're both stubborn as hell, though i may be a little more so. he gets angry over little things, which annoys me, and i'm so carefree and laid back, even about the big things, which annoys him. but we're learning how to fight like people that love each other. there doesn't have to be a winner and a loser. we can agree to disagree. we can compromise. we can give in if it's something that really matters to the other person. we both want to be in love more than we want to win. at least most of the time.

but overall, in the grand scheme of things and even 98% of the zoomed in, little details, i feel like we're doing this relationship right. by the grace of God, we're loving each other like we both deserve.

and we're both pushing for more.

i always want to give more, and good god, i will always take more.