keep me

 This song has been keeping me company lately. It's haunting and beautiful and it sits on my heart just right right now.

Life has been hard lately, friends. 

It's difficult to come up with the words to explain without sounding like I'm all capable of is complaining, so "hard" is the best I have right now.

Thank you to all of you who have [virtually] kept me company these past few days while Ben has been gone. It's been so nice to get your encouraging tweets and Instagram comments. I'm thankful for all of your friendships.

I know that in the face of all of this Hurricane Sandy devastation, my problems are small, but I didn't get that job that I interviewed for a few weeks ago. It seemed like the perfect opportunity, and I thought I did well when I met them, and to be turned down even though I'm more than qualified is kind of awful. I've never been turned down for a job that I really wanted before. And because I'm lost and vulnerable [and to be honest, hormonal], this raises all sorts of questions about where I belong, what am I doing with my life, what the heck is God's plan for me, does He even care, etc. All things that are a Big Deal.

And then when I get my truck stuck in a ditch, realize that I forgot to do homework for a grad school class I've only been in for 3 weeks, and know I have to go home to a husband-less house? That's all just the icing on my very sad cake.

I'm really trying to see the positive. For example, there was a nice D.O.T guy right down the road this morning that pulled me out of the ditch with a backhoe. And on my way to work, I treated myself to a really delicious burger and milkshake. And as soon as I leave the office today, I'm heading home to do nothing but lay on my couch all night and not talk to a damn person. So there are good things. There are definitely good things. 

They're just hard to stay focused on right now.