the most important thing

 from here

beautiful days like today make me so thankful for the life i've been given.
the trees are still bare and the earth still looks awfully brown, but the new life that spring breathes always seems to give me new life too.

and today, i'm so excited for the new life that i'm going to have soon.
just on Monday, i realized that it was the 2-month countdown mark until graduation.
i've been applying to grown-up jobs for after i get that diploma and also maybe an ice cream shop job or two for the little time between graduation and our wedding. i want to be able to have time for wedding crafts and enjoying my family, but i also want to be able to save up a little for our new family of 2.

we've been talking more about what life will be like after the wedding, and that's so exciting that i get tingles everytime i talk about it.
we looked at mattresses the other day. queen size! none of this tiny single bed crap that we've each slept on all our lives. we decided on a honeymoon place last night and i'm trying to decide on a dress for our engagement pictures.
but even with all of these fun decisions, we're definitely keeping it in mind that the most important decision we're making is each other.
we're choosing to promise ourselves to each other for the rest of forever and that's a big deal.
a big awesome deal.

and with all of this newness, this exciting future, i want to do it right.
to me, that means including Jesus in it.
but the thing is i don't want to just include Him.
i do that now: praying before i eat, humming worship songs to myself when i run, that kind of thing.
but it's not enough for me anymore.
i want Him everywhere. all the time. in my life more than anything else.
i want to turn to Him, our relationship to rely to Him, and pretty soon, our marriage to be built on Him too.
that's the most important thing to me.
it's a big step, going from an apathetic Christian to one who really is chasing after God. and it's hard to know where to start. it's intimidating.
but while ben is gone this upcoming week, i'm going to take time to figure out what a real relationship with God looks like to me, and then when he gets home, we're going to find a church that welcomes us and accepts us and feels like home.
Christ used to feel like home to me and i need to get back to that.
i want, more than anything, to get back to that.