in between

This is me today, with new bangs that I'm not quite sure what to do with and leaf earrings that turned out to be foreshadowing for my morning.

On my way out the door for work, I dropped my toast peanut butter side down right in a pile of leaves. This was after that Monday I had and then a fairly normal Tuesday. I had a sane day in between two crazy days and that's just indicative of my life right now. I feel like I'm at an in between stage of life.

I'm at two jobs that don't mean anything and I'm hoping for the one I interviewed for last week that could be a total game changer for my life right now and for my career. I'm in between wasting my time and actually building a name for myself in my field.

I'm in between having my shit together on a day to day basis and being a total hot mess. Some days, the house is clean and I have an idea of what to have for dinner and my outfit is actually reasonable to leave the house in, but other days, it's completely the opposite.

I'm in between feeling pretty and feeling gross, with skinny days and fat days and hair that only sometimes cooperates. It's times like this that I hate how much my self-image can warp my self-confidence.

I'm in between being a kid, calling my mom for questions about what beef should look [and smell] like, and a grown ass woman, conquering recipes and directions and telling off creepy men all by myself.

I'm in between a lot of things right now, and to be honest, it's frustrating. It's frustrating to not have everything all figured out, even though I know I'm not the only one in this phase of life. This is what it's like to be a recent college grad; your early twenties are supposed to be when you slowly figure everything out, screwing up and getting lost along the way. But in all reality, some days, I'd rather just skip ahead to the part where Ben and I are in jobs that we love, making enough money to be able to afford the things we want, and living in a city that we want to make our home for at least the next few years. I know that being at that place doesn't guarantee that I'll have all of my other junk figured out, but maybe I'd be a little closer.

But thankfully, I have a home that is mine, all mine, and a sweet husband who makes me feel like whenever I'm with him, that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. This phase where we get in heated arguments about our budget, end up saying "screw it, it'll work out" and get drunk on the couch while we watch SNL reruns? This is a phase that I like.


Alissa said...

Nothing wrong with getting drunk on the couch, watching TV. Nothing.

I don't know about you, but I didn't get the memo about how bad our 20's were going to be. No one told me this. I was not prepared, not even for a second.

I have a full time job that I just don't care about, and keep going on interviews for others that I end up not wanting, either.

So, at the end of the day, a house that is mine, and a beer on the couch is what keeps me sane. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Kim said...

Preach, sister. Here's how I look at it - we've got a few years. What I'm doing right now is not even remotely close to what I went to school for, but in all honesty, I needed a little break. A chance to be outside of what you went to school for, to get a little experience elsewhere gives a little perspective on where you want to be. I definitely am not in my dream job, and struggle with how soon I should leave to start making a name for myself in the field I do want. But then I question what I do want. All you can do is sit back and be happy for what you have, and be grateful that you have the conscience that helps you evaluate what you want and what you need regularly.

You got this, it'll all come together! Plus, SNL reruns during political seasons + beer = probably the best remedy anyways. :)

choosing{life} said...

What they said. I've been out of the college bubble and married for almost two years now, and I go through the same roller coaster, on top of everything one day and completely crushed by the same stuff the next day. But you have a partner in Ben, and a great family and network of friends who love you. We'll get through these dang 20-something blues.

Still praying that job comes through for you! And cute earrings, despite their foreshadowing ;)

Alyssa said...

Sometimes life's gotta be a little bit difficult... honestly, it makes you appreciate the good times so much more :) Sounds to me though that even though things aren't perfect, you and Ben are perfect for each other and make a good team.

Katya said...

I can totally relate to this post. I don't have it figured out either! I always thought that once I got into my 20s I'd be so old and have everything together, but that's definitely not true. And I still call my mom all the time with kitchen questions...

Oh, and your earrings are really cute! :)