while i, as the new Mrs. Quigley, am away on my honeymoon and vacation and such, i asked a few of my favorite blogger friends if they'd fill in for me. they're here for a few weeks, talking about big changes in their lives, whether it be marriage related or not. enjoy! and girls, thanks again!
Hi, I'm Alana from mrs. alana's miscellany! I was honored when Jackie asked me to write a little something to pick up the slack here while she's off getting hitched. It was only a year ago when I was doing the same thing, and it feels good (but weird) to be on the other side this time. I've grown to know Jackie through blogging, emails, twitter, and pretty much every other social network you can think of. It's amazing how much you can feel like you "know" someone you've never met, but I think I know enough about her to say that she will have a long and happy marriage. Even though I'm definitely still a newbie at this whole marriage thing, I'm happy to offer what little knowledge I feel I can share after our first year.
As you've already learned through Ben's deployment, loving a military man is not always easy. He may be away a lot, and that sucks. You may have to move a lot, and that sometimes sucks. But ultimately you have to know that he is worth it and the amazing thing inside of him telling him he is doing the right thing by serving his country is worth it. And honestly, those of us who have done the long-distance thing appreciate every second with our loves that much more. You WILL get frustrated, but even when you do make sure that he knows that your frustration is aimed at the situation and not at him. This leads me to my next point...
Use your words. Even when it's a touchy subject, even when it would be so much easier to keep your mouth shut and worry about it later, and even when you'd rather give him the silent treatment and let him sweat it out for a few hours (or days). If you get anything helpful out of all this rambling, remember that communication will make or break your marriage. Take advantage of the Air Force's marriage retreats--they are fun, FREE, and you will learn so much.
This may seem obvious, but even when you're arguing never call each other names, talk badly about each other, or do anything rash. Always be able to say, "I'm angry right now, but I still love you." Sometimes just those words can take the fire out of a passionate fight.
Figure out each other's love languages and love the crap out of him. Marriage is all about putting another person's needs ahead of your own (as un-feminist as that sounds)--and although I still struggle with it, I can confidently say that I'm so much less selfish than I was when I was single.
Ahem, make good use of the bedroom. That's all I will say about that. ;)
Marriage is simultaneously one of the best and hardest things you have done. No matter what anyone says, even the best marriages take work, but being able to go to bed and night and wake up in the morning with your best friend is the greatest thing in the world. Finding "the one" is half the battle, now just make the choice to love each other every day and you'll be ok.
Thanks for having me, Jackie, and congratulations to you both!